Subject: Complaint Letter and Reply From "Tech Support'

To whom it may concern:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed that the new program began making
unexpected changes to the accounting software;
severely limiting access to wardrobe,
flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly
under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other
valuable programs such as:
DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1
and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3,
SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4
and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0
no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system.
Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1
or HouseCleaning 2.6.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3, to fix Husband 1.0,
but this all-purpose utility is of limited effectiveness.
Can you help, please!!!!

Signed Jane

Reply from a software expert:

Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about,
but it is mostly due to a primary misconception.
Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband
1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an
ENTERTAINMENT package.

However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was
designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0
and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0
is not designed to do this.
Hidden operating files within your system
would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0,
so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall,
delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed.
Any new program files can only be installed once per year,
as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory.

Error messages are common and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
In desperation to play some of their "old time"
favorite applications, or to
get new applications to work, some women have tried
to install Boyfriend
6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up
with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
Look in your manual under "Warnings:
Divorce/Child Support". You will notice that this
program runs very poorly,
and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3.

I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the
quirks of this strange and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself,
I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding
General Partnership Faults [GPFs].
This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0,
secretly installed by the parent company
as an integral part of the operating system. Husband
1.0 must assume ALL responsibility
for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause.

To activate this great feature enter the command:
"C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".
Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously
while entering the command. Husband 1.0
should then run the applications
Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature.
Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs,
and ultimately YOU may have to give a
C:\ I APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal operations.
Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0
to default to GrumpySilence 2.5,
or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0
to create FatBelly files and Snoring Loudly
wave files that are very hard to delete.

Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
Just remember! The system will run smoothly,
and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of
this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications
Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program,
but it does have limited memory and
cannot learn new applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve
performance. I personally recommend:8
HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in
conjunction, these utilities can really help keep
Husband 1.0 running smoothly.

After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become
familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as:
FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT,
under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0.
This is not a supported application,
and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system.

Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting
5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped.
Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and
we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.

We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!


______________________________________________